Blue Cheese, Fun Rocks and Shakespeare

In the beginning god created the heavens, earth and me! Okay well that is not true, actually he waited a few days to create the heavens and well earth is just something we eat when we are five years old.

• I’m 23 years old, lazy and for the most part discombobulated.
• I moved to Louisville, Kentucky when I was 12 and well have been unable to leave since.
• I’m an orioles fan so I guess that means I moved from Baltimore, Maryland.. because I doubt anyone else would announce that at the moment.
• I was a huge pothead when I was a teenager but don’t worry I only killed the bad brain cells.
• I got a girl pregnant when I was 17. She had an abortion. I didn’t know she was pregnant until the day after.
• I almost killed John Lennon. True Story. May tell you about it sometime.
• Went back to school to prove to my mother and girlfriend that I could be responsible. Only thing I got out of school was debt and a wonderful group of friends.
• I have a very diverse group of friends. A Bosnian cage-fighter, a death metal fan who is a big softy, a three hundred pound schizophrenic and numerous drug addicts who may be shady but I love them nonetheless.
• I’m a huge Ramones fan! I would throw my panties at Joey Ramone, if I wore any! Commando Ho!
• I’m strange and that pretty much sums it up.
• I like bullet points.
• I have no cute redneck cousins.
• I can’t spell.
• I hate math.
• I like to write but usually none of it makes sense.
• My claim to fame is two years worth of little league baseball.
• I love football.
• I would have sex with another man for the right amount of money…. anyone interested?
• I’m done writing this because i’m running out of things to say.
• Wait a minute, can we still be friends?
• Now i’m done.